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“Hey, honey. Wake up. I’m not feeling well.” My wife’s steady voice drew me out of slumber about one o’clock a.m. on our first Sunday in the new church.

“Wha… What? What’s up, love?”

“I already spoke with a nurse at the hospital. We need to go to the emergency room. I’ve been up for an hour now. I’m having some pain in my belly.”

We were four days removed from a four-hour trip north to a new church assignment and about four weeks or so removed from the beautiful blinking static pinto bean confirming that our first child was indeed planted and growing inside Abby. We had driven home from the doctor giddy, knowing that one of our first tasks in our new town would be to locate a good OB/GYN to shepherd us through our 40-week journey into first-time parenthood. It was clear on this night, from her calm but direct tone, that Abby was more than a little worried. But there was no sense getting ahead of myself; I would stay cool and see what the professionals discovered.

“Ok,” I answered, becoming less groggy by the minute as I got out of bed quickly now and began to dress in jeans, un-tucked short-sleeve polo, and running shoes. Pulling on a cap and snatching up my wallet and keys, I checked for Abby’s whereabouts. She was dressed by now and ready to get in the car.

We lived a short drive from the larger, regional town. It had been years since I had driven these roads of my youth but managed to pilot us straight to the hospital. Parking was no problem at this hour of the night. I picked a spot near the front, placing us a stone’s throw from the automatic doors. A nurse checked us in and in short order we were sitting in a sterile white room, waiting.

In order to remain optimistic about the health of our baby, yet realistic about what we knew was possible I had adopted something of an agnostic position on the matter: I would remain undecided for now, hoping for the best. Abby had a seat on the emergency room bed with its paper-cover freshly rolled and taped after the room’s previous occupant.

I remember the difficulty the nurse had sticking Abby’s arm with the needle. I remember going to another room for some sort of screening for Abby. And I remember the doctor, with whom we had become familiar over the blur of a four hours we spent the ER, walking into our room for the last time with a caring expression on his face, a sure give-away. He took a silver pen from his white coat and began to draw on the bed’s paper-cover. “You’re having a miscarriage,” he said. He was direct in speech while empathetic in tone and demeanor. He drew simple pictures to illustrate what was happening inside Abby. He assured Abby that she had done nothing to bring this on — “No, you didn’t overdo it with the packing.” Then he shared his own story. His wife had miscarried in each of her first four pregnancies, devastating her every time. On the fifth try, she finally broke her streak en route to five successive babies delivered safely into their family.

We knew he wasn’t promising anything out of his control. But we also knew we were thankful for some perspective, delivered with genuine warmth and compassion. Then he asked if he could pray for us.

Not long after we arrived back at home, the sun already greeting the day, Abby called me into our bathroom to point out a tiny bloody glob in the toilet. She looked at me solemnly. I told her to flush.

Abby felt the baby was a girl, and named her Grace.

In Christian parlance grace is unmerited and unexpected blessing, an unforeseeable gift to be received with thanks and humility. And grace has a way, once it has taken a foot-hold in one life, of spreading.

Seven weeks later, about a quarter to five in the evening, there was a knock at the door. Abby answered it. I was working from home. A young mother in our congregation, roughly twenty weeks pregnant, had just been told that her baby boy had died in her womb. They would induce her in the morning because she had to deliver him stillborn in order to get him out. Tears upon tears. I would perform the funeral three days later, woefully inadequate to the task. And yet somehow a blessing to this hurting family, having lost and found Grace on a sticky June night myself.

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But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. (2 Corinthians 4:7 NIV)

One of my spiritual goals this year concerns getting a tool that will help me cultivate my practice of prayer. Having children has (news flash!) changed the rhythms of my day and my prayer practice is not what it once was (rise early, 30 minute run, shower, pray – read bible – read spiritual book).

Yes, I’m a pastor. So, you know, either judge me or laud me for my transparency/authenticity but it isn’t so easy to practice the contemplative life of prayer I once enjoyed B.C.E. (Before Children Era. Incidentally, a favorite quote, reportedly from an actual seminarian: “the most important quality in preaching is authenticity and if you can learn to fake that you’ve got it made!” But I digress; back to the point at hand…). Well, I’ve tried lots, but I’m coming back to the idea of prayer beads as some sort as a practical tool that might help me out.

Here’s the idea: A bracelet (you know, church camp style…) with a bead for each prayer or Scripture or type/element of prayer to engage in. I listed stuff I wanted beads for and narrowed it down to fifteen beads. I have discovered that I am helped by prescribed elements and prompts for spontaneous prayer. The mixture is important. And having a prescribed element, like Psalm 23 or the Lord’s Prayer, gives me something I can pray through slowly or simply recite depending on where I am each day. Prescribed elements help center me, focus my mind and heart, and allow me the freedom to offer the spontaneous prayers of the day/hour.

So, without further adieu, here’s my list. There are five categories (they emerged after I had my list of elements and saw how they would fit together for my practice) and then elements for each bead listed underneath.

• Centering
  • Psalm 23
  • Breath prayers – various. May be the common “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner” (the “Jesus Prayer”) or some other typically Scripture-based short phrase suitable for the breath prayer practice.
• Grounding
  • The Apostles’ Creed
  • The Nicene Creed
  • The Ten Commandments
  • The Great Commandment
  • The Great Commission
• Asking
  • The Lord’s Prayer
  • The “Prayers of the People” – a progression for prayer petitions: family, friends, local church, community, world (including need for justice and the leaders of the nations). You get the idea.
• Calling
  • The Wesleyan Covenant Prayer
  • A Baptismal Prayer for Discipleship – based on the prayer of blessing over the baptized person (“Heavenly Father, the Holy Spirit work within me this day, that I may be a faithful disciple of Jesus Christ. Amen.”).
  • A Eucharistic Prayer for Mission/Ministry – based on the prayer after receiving at the end of the celebration of communion. (“We give you thanks for this Holy Mystery in which you have given yourself to us. Grant that we may go forth in the strength of your steadfast love to give ourselves for others. Amen.”)
• Sending
  • The Gloria Patri
  • The Doxology
  • Trinitarian benediction – like breath prayers, drawn from Scripture

What aids to prayer and practices have you found helpful in your life? Have you had any experience with using prayer beads?

Yes, I’m one of those folks who likes to set goals. I wish I were one of those folks who were excellent and disciplined in executing and accomplishing his goals more consistently. When I think about it, I fail to reach my goals either a lapse in personal discipline, an overly ambitious pie-in-the-sky goal, or a combination of these two. One of the lessons I’m learning from this is the importance of self-knowledge.

Accomplishing a goal is just about always a combination of focus, discipline, and hard work. But these elements all speak to the execution side of goals. At least as important, it seems to me more and more, is the setting side of goals: What am I really interested in accomplishing? What truly resonates with me as worthwhile? What goals represent a natural extension of who I am? On that last one, some goals may represent me being the me I’d like to be, but there’s still an unnameable “it” quality to goals that “fit” and seem to be natural extensions of who I really am that is different from ones that are too “out there” and, though interesting and perhaps even praise-worthy, don’t really resonate with my soul. So self-knowledge is important.

This year I am following a couple of rules: (1) have a relatively short list of “SMART” goals, (2) have someone with whom I am accountable, (3) set quarterly benchmarks and action items that help me “eat the elephant one bite at a time.”

That last one is critical and comes from my friend with whom I am sharing accountability. A mentor of his is big on thinking in terms of quarters for goals. So we are integrating this into both personal and professional goals.

So, here are most of my personal goals. This year, I used these headings/categories for my personal goals: heart, mind, soul, strength. Heart is relationship-related goals. Mind is intellectual/learning goals. Learning is one of my hobbies, truth be told, so this makes plenty of sense for me. Soul is my relationship with God. Strength is my health/fitness.

• Heart
  • I’ll not get into those specifically here, but I’ve got a practice for each relational sphere (spouse, kids, family of origin, friends) to attend to this year in order to nurture my relationships.
• Mind
  • Read 45 books
  • Write 100 blog posts (average of 2/week)
  • Finish a book manuscript
  • Rationale: I love to read and enjoy pressing myself to read more and learn more through reading. I finished 37 books in 2009, a high for me, so I thought I’d push it a little further. As for the two writing goals, there are two motivations. First, writing helps me work out my thinking. If you can articulate what you think well, you’ve had to think through it more thoroughly and clearly. I can use that. Second, I’d like to improve as a writer and to do that I need to write, not imagine writing.
• Soul
  • Read the whole Bible in 2010
  • Make a practical tool to help me practice “praying continually”
  • Rationale: These are two “results-oriented” goals that together can help me go deeper and get more consistent in my devotional practice. Plus, I need to keep it simple these days. Balancing work and family is a contact sport for anyone, not just wanna-be contemplatives. Don’t want to dumb-down spirituality, but need to keep it earthy at the same time. Besides, bathing kids, doing chores, and hanging with the wife are the stuff of prayer as well.
• Strength
  • Run the Houston half-marathon in January 2011
  • Rationale: Before I had kids I really enjoying running — for exercise, for clearing my head, for praying, etc. It’s been a while, but we’re done making new babies (just going to work with the ones we’ve got from here out) and they’re growing a little, which means that re-introducing some exercise habits is more realistic at this point. And this goal drags behind it other things I’d like to do like lose a few pounds and get a little more discipline, both of which and more happen when I run regularly.

What personal goals do you have for 2010?

Saw a brief post on my friend JD’s blog about Buzz Aldrin’s account of celebrating the Eucharist, or Holy Communion, on the moon. Check it out here.

A longer account of things is here.